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“What would it be like if you got everything you wanted?”

One of the most challenging questions my coach ever asked me. I am confident that the universe can throw me any challenge, and I will figure out how to deal with it and be okay. I always envision the worst-case scenario and then plan accordingly to prepare for it. I have built that muscle up strong.

Let me give you an example. I was incredibly excited to see our daughter graduate in the Big House (sorry, Sparty – it’s tough, I know) last May. She had given it her all and suffered through the complex studies, anxiety, and late-night group projects. I knew what day it would be held, all of the details, who would join us, and how we would celebrate. All of the typical and expected things. Then poof. Covid hit, and there was no graduation. She was heartbroken, and I was crushed. I quickly put aside my feelings and got to work on a plan. What is important to her about graduation? How does she like to be congratulated? Who wants to help us celebrate? How can I surprise her? I put together a detailed plan, executed it, made her happy, and enjoyed it as best as I could.

But if everything went right? Never ever ever.

It’s too hard. Like what if we actually can get married in Ireland in precisely 60 days? I am conservatively taking all of the steps needed just in case it happens. You already know I have the dress; we are planning for our final conference on zoom with our officiant and talking to the photographer. But I have barely envisioned what it will be like to step onto the plane, land in Dublin, actually travel with my sweetheart, and oh my goodness, drive from Tralee to Clare and stand in Ardcroney Church and give him my heart.

That seems silly and a waste of time just in case it falls apart. Heaven knows there are 59 possible days yet for something to happen. To dream of the green hills, to smell the sweet spice of rhododendrons, to feel the frequently falling raindrops, and to hear the church bells feels like taking the armor off of my heart and leaving it open to attack. A knife will slide in and take it all away if I dare. It will be safer not to ‘tempt fate’ by picturing my dreams coming true.

“What would it be like to picture it and let it be imagined?

I tried this week with something not as close to my heart. Friday, we had fun and toured 3 houses that we liked because why the hell not. Not really planning to pull the trigger yet. Just learning. And then, shocker! We fell in love with the last one. It had just been listed, but the offer deadline was Monday – less than a week after listing. So, we did a little math and talked until the wee hours of the morning. Then we toured it again Sunday and couldn’t stop planning where furniture would go and measuring for pictures. Monday afternoon, we made an offer with 45 minutes to spare. Then we made a second.

Next – I stopped dreaming. I decided we would not get the house. It was impossible. I tucked my heart away safe. “Do not get your hopes up.” “That’s for naïve people.”

I caught myself and sat still. I said, “Mary – it will not hurt to picture what is possible. No harm can come of it. You will be disappointed either way if you don’t get it. And you have already pictured that scenario. Give the dream as much energy and time.”

So I did. It was delightful to walk through the new house in my mind’s eye where my desk would go, where I would be meeting with clients, where Jordan would sleep, and how the dogs would enjoy hours of smelling things. Ooooh, the flowers that Paul would rehome and tuck into corners. When I had imagined it all, I took a deep breath and put it all out to the universe. It was out of my hands.

Two hours later, the call came, and I knew what Kevin, our realtor, was calling to say.

But I was wrong.

He said – “you got it!” I was stunned. I squealed with abandon and ran up the stairs to wake Paul from a nap – both dogs lumbering up the stairs behind me. I put the phone on speaker, and Kevin joyfully told the very groggy Paul the news. I chose to lose control and sound silly, joy-filled, and unlimited. All giggles, shrieking, and abandon.

Next, I will practice imagining what it will be like to see my girl in person for the first time in 353 days. I leave Friday and have made plans. She has made plans. But imagining how joyous our time will be – nope. Not at all. What if something happens in the next three days? It’s not safe.

Once again, I will take a deep breath and venture into a beautiful new practice. Manifesting what I really want.

What are you looking forward to, and how do you imagine it will be if everything you want were to come true?

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